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Sample Home Page Makeover
"After" Version

Review the "before" version of this sample revision of a home page.  My "after" version of the home page copy follows the brief analysis below.

What's Wrong With the "Before" Version

For some reason, a lot of individuals and companies have picked up the idea that the thing to do on a home page is to say, in essence, "Hello!  Here's who we are and what we do."  This is lame and uninteresting, and Christina Merkley fell into this trap.  

Christina's "before" home page had some personal touches, but it failed to provide an inviting overview of her work and explain why organizations should hire her.  Someone who arrived at the home page without any other introduction to what she does would probably understand that her work had something to do with drawing, graphics and visuals, but beyond that would be mystified, not sure what the value of it was and not sure what to read next.

The Revision Strategy Behind the "After" Version 

Much more captivating than "Hello, I exist" is leading off with the benefits you offer to your target market - the "why" instead of the "what" of doing business with you.  The revised headline and first two paragraphs present no less than 12 organizational benefits of Christina's work:

  • Improve corporate decision making

  • Improve strategic vision

  • Improve teamwork

  • Get participants with diverse views "on the same page"

  • Get people aligned for effective implementation

  • Inject vitality into meetings

  • Increase mutual understanding

  • Make meetings dramatically more efficient

  • Make meetings more enjoyable

  • Increase clarity and focus

  • Increase participation

  • Increase collaboration

The new copy briefly explains both "graphic recording" and "graphic facilitation" so that readers are properly oriented to these most likely unfamiliar concepts.  Readers thereby understand the services represented at the site and can choose which one they prefer to explore first.

Instead of claiming, as in the original version, that these services have value because they're based on best practices, research and experimentation, the "after" home page more persuasively cites half a dozen well-known organizations that have hired Christina.  

Only a very determined reader of the original site would have discovered Christina's unusually specific, illuminating and extensive collection of testimonials.  On the revised site, three vivid quotes are included on the home page, greatly boosting her credibility and appeal, along with an invitation to read other testimonials.  In fact, the new page concludes with specific multiple paths to learn more about Christina's capabilities.

The revised site is more convincing, more substantive and intriguing and more likely to prompt motivated exploration of Christina's work.

When Christina saw my revised copy, she wrote back, "Oh, so that's what you're supposed to do on a home page!"  Chances are, you'll have a lightbulb-going-on moment from this, too.

The "After" Version

(Click on the image to see the life-sized page.)

(If the picture you click to looks all scrunched up, then go to your browser and select Tools/Internet Options/Advanced, then under Multimedia, uncheck "Enable Automatic Image Resizing" and refresh this page.  Click the image again and it will be life size!)

If you'd like to learn more about Christina Merkley, click here and you'll be transported to her actual web site.

Want your own constructive web site review with suggestions for improvement, or a complete web site makeover?  Web site review details.

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Learn to Write No-Hype Copy
Six-week self-study course teaches you to wow people into buying through the power of well-chosen words.  Includes challenging and varied assignments to practice on, with answers from the instructor and participants.  Replace incomprehensible jargon with reader-friendly, motivating content.  Copywriting course.


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