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Sample Press Release Makeover
"Before" Version

A news release or media release (called a press release when it's aimed at print publications) is a document in a special format designed to pique the interest of editors, reporters and producers in featuring a story.  At first glance it must appear newsworthy and relevant to the recipient.

Here's a sample that needs improvement in order to survive that initial glance.

The "Before" Version

For: Wristies, Inc., 650 Suffolk St., Lowell, MA 01854.
Contact: Susan Gregory, 978-937-9500 or

For immediate release

Short Wristies keep hands warm wherever you are

Bedford, Massachusetts. Wristies, Inc. announces its newest style of finger less gloves - Short Wristies. Great to wear when hands are cold but fingers need dexterity, Short Wristies are excellent indoor and outdoor gloves, for running errands or keeping hands warm at the computer. Short Wristies are made of Malden Mills Polartec® fleece fabric and join both Original Wristies and Heated Wristies styles. Known for its original version designed to keep wrists and hands warm both as a glove liner and finger less glove, Short Wristies have all the warmth, softness, and comfort except in a shorter length. The first pair of Wristies was invented ten years ago by then 10 year old K-K Gregory to cover the gap between the coat and mitten, and keep ice and snow from wrists, or drafts of air conditioning freezing hands.

Ms. Gregory solved these problems by inventing Wristies during a snow fort building session with her brother. A week later Wristies were tested by her Girl Scout® troop and K-K was told to "make more!" She contacted an attorney, started the patent process, within a year obtained a trademark for the name "Wristies," and started a company! Wristies have won numerous awards and are available in all sizes, from toddlers to adult large, ranging in price from $7.00 to $17.50 and in a variety of colors. Heated and new Short Wristies are available in adult sizes small and large. Short Wristies retail for $9.50.

"I've been wearing Short Wristies everywhere," says customer Lori Smith. "In school, great for waiting at the train station, and at home when it was cold."  Tens of thousands of Wristies have been sold worldwide through catalogs, retail stores, mail order, and the Wristies' web site,

Heated Wristies were introduced several years ago from a customer who wore Wristies and bought mini hand warmers for extra warmth. Built with a pocket inside, Heated Wristies hold mini hand warmers providing with up to 7 hours of heat either on the palm or back of the hand. These, too, can be worn under mittens. "Just covering the back of your hand and wrist area helps the circulation in your whole hand, even your fingertips. But add the heat and you'll really stay warmer!" says K-K.

Short Wristies are the latest for keeping hands warm, and each tag tells the story of young entrepreneurship. Wristies are available at select retail stores, catalogs, and on the web, For more information, visit Wristies' web site or phone, 978-937-9500. 

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What changes would you make to help Wristies capture media attention with this release?  Try rewriting this yourself.  Then see my revised version and commentary.

Copyright 2003 Marcia Yudkin.  All rights reserved.

Write News Releases That Attract Media and Boost Sales
Learn the crucial differences between a so-so news release and one that gets you onto the airwaves or into print.  You get 24 before-and-after transformations of news releases to study and use as models.  Learn to write better news releases.






Press Release Makeover Course


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