Sample Press Release Makeover
A news release or
media release (called a press release when it's
aimed at print publications) is a document in a
special format designed to pique the interest of
editors, reporters and producers in featuring a
story. At first glance it must appear
newsworthy and relevant to the recipient.
Here's a sample that needs
improvement in order to survive that initial glance.
The "Before" Version
Wristies, Inc., 650 Suffolk St., Lowell, MA
Contact: Susan Gregory, 978-937-9500 or email@example.com.
For immediate release
Short Wristies keep hands warm wherever you
Bedford, Massachusetts. Wristies, Inc. announces
its newest style of finger less gloves - Short
Wristies. Great to wear when hands are cold but
fingers need dexterity, Short Wristies are
excellent indoor and outdoor gloves, for running
errands or keeping hands warm at the computer.
Short Wristies are made of Malden Mills Polartec®
fleece fabric and join both Original Wristies
and Heated Wristies styles. Known for its
original version designed to keep wrists and
hands warm both as a glove liner and finger less
glove, Short Wristies have all the warmth,
softness, and comfort except in a shorter
length. The first pair of Wristies was invented
ten years ago by then 10 year old K-K Gregory to
cover the gap between the coat and mitten, and
keep ice and snow from wrists, or drafts of air
conditioning freezing hands.
Ms. Gregory solved these problems by inventing
Wristies during a snow fort building session
with her brother. A week later Wristies were
tested by her Girl Scout® troop and K-K was
told to "make more!" She contacted an
attorney, started the patent process, within a
year obtained a trademark for the name "Wristies,"
and started a company! Wristies have won
numerous awards and are available in all sizes,
from toddlers to adult large, ranging in price
from $7.00 to $17.50 and in a variety of colors.
Heated and new Short Wristies are available in
adult sizes small and large. Short Wristies
retail for $9.50.
"I've been wearing Short Wristies
everywhere," says customer Lori Smith.
"In school, great for waiting at the train
station, and at home when it was cold."
Tens of thousands of Wristies have been sold
worldwide through catalogs, retail stores, mail
order, and the Wristies' web site,
Heated Wristies were introduced several years
ago from a customer who wore Wristies and bought
mini hand warmers for extra warmth. Built with a
pocket inside, Heated Wristies hold mini hand
warmers providing with up to 7 hours of heat
either on the palm or back of the hand. These,
too, can be worn under mittens. "Just
covering the back of your hand and wrist area
helps the circulation in your whole hand, even
your fingertips. But add the heat and you'll
really stay warmer!" says K-K.
Short Wristies are the latest for keeping hands
warm, and each tag tells the story of young
entrepreneurship. Wristies are available at
select retail stores, catalogs, and on the web,
www.wristies.com. For more information, visit
Wristies' web site or phone, 978-937-9500.
What changes would you make to
help Wristies capture media attention with
this release? Try rewriting this yourself.
Then see my revised
version and commentary.
Copyright 2003 Marcia Yudkin.
All rights reserved.