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Sample Self-Introduction Makeovers
"Before" Versions
Business
networking events often include an opportunity
for attendees to stand up and introduce
themselves. In one organization I belong to,
each person gets to say as much as will fit in
one breath. For best results, have something
prepared and practiced instead of trying to
improvise.
Your introductory spiel should be clear,
dramatic and inviting.
Here are four self-introductions that I was
asked to improve.
The "Before" Versions
1. JumpStart
Sales provides effective, affordable sales
training to small business owners and corporate
sales leaders. We specialize in short, impactful
and inexpensive learning sessions with higher
retention levels than traditional training
methods.
- Melissa McNatt, San Bruno, California
2. The Emerging
Woman creates confidence with style for women
making life transitions. Whether it's career
change, relocation, divorce or reentry to the
workforce, we offer guidance in image creation,
fashion, self-esteem, beauty and individualized
personal growth.
- Sandra Tollos, Arlington, Massachusetts
3. Do you need a
name? Name One! is my company and creates names
for new products. We make a difficult process
easy and fun for you. Clients get 60 name
candidates presented in a dynamic, fun one-hour
meeting where everybody gets involved. At the
end of the meeting you will be down to a short
list of 5 to 10 names that everyone agrees on.
Name One! has many satisfied repeat customers.
We are the team that named Frito-Lay's Wow
Potato Chip and SpringHill Suites for Marriott.
- Lauren Teton, Pound Ridge, New York
4. Where do you
shop in Boston? In Dallas? In San Francisco?
Shop on Maui! Maiumart.com has everything from
delicious snacks, to sportswear, to local arts
and crafts, to household accessories and more
than a few surprises. All of our products are
made with Aloha spirit. Like our trade winds,
you'll see the unique and fresh perspective
which influences our designs. Mauimart.com is
your headquarters for cool Hawaiian stuff.
- Bob Wilson, Kahului, Hawaii
Think about the plusses and minuses of these
promotional pitches. How you would fix the flaws
in each? View my
rewrites.
Copyright 2000 Marcia
Yudkin.
All rights reserved.
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