Sample Self-Introduction Makeovers
versions of self-introductions.
these "30-second commercials," I made
them more vivid and concise. I avoided
beginning with the company name, since studies
show that people usually don't absorb a name
when it's the first thing they hear. I
also eliminated extraneous details and improper
usage (e.g., "impactful" is not a
To make your
comparisons easier, I've included both the
"before" and "after"
The "After" Versions
provides effective, affordable sales training to
small business owners and corporate sales
leaders. We specialize in short, impactful and
inexpensive learning sessions with higher
retention levels than traditional training
Want more sales?
We offer small businesses and larger companies
techniques that produce more leads and close
more deals. Trainees learn more, remember more,
apply more. We're quick and affordable --
2. The Emerging Woman
Woman creates confidence with style for women
making life transitions. Whether it's career
change, relocation, divorce or reentry to the
workforce, we offer guidance in image creation,
fashion, self-esteem, beauty and individualized
changing careers, moving, divorcing or
reentering the work force, you want to look and
feel your best. The Emerging Woman helps you
make a powerful first impression with a unique,
appropriate and comfortable personal style that
highlights and enhances your natural beauty.
You'll glow inside and out!
3. Name One
Do you need a
name? Name One! is my company and creates names
for new products. We make a difficult process
easy and fun for you. Clients get 60 name
candidates presented in a dynamic, fun one-hour
meeting where everybody gets involved. At the
end of the meeting you will be down to a short
list of 5 to 10 names that everyone agrees on.
Name One! has many satisfied repeat customers.
We are the team that named Frito-Lay's Wow
Potato Chip and SpringHill Suites for Marriott.
What's in a name?
My company creates catchy names that resonate
and suggest the image you want for a new
product. Our team of naming experts gives you 60
candidates that you narrow down to the best
choices in a fun, interactive session. We're the
team that named Frito-Lay's Wow Potato Chip and
SpringHill Suites for Marriott. Name One! That's
Where do you shop
in Boston? In Dallas? In San Francisco? Shop on
Maui! Mauimart.com has everything from delicious
snacks, to sportswear, to local arts and crafts,
to household accessories and more than a few
surprises. All of our products are made with
Aloha spirit. Like our trade winds, you'll see
the unique and fresh perspective which
influences our designs. Mauimart.com is your
headquarters for cool Hawaiian stuff.
When it's cold
and dreary where you are, brighten your day by
shopping in Maui - online. Mauimart.com offers
Hawaiian crafts, tropical foods, colorful
sportswear and more. You'll feel refreshed
just contemplating our exotic inventory. Relax
and enjoy the Aloha spirit at Mauimart.com.
Want to learn to perform
makeovers like this one - and get paid for your
skill? Check out the Marketing
Protégé Program, a one-on-one tutorial
that trains you to become a marketing consultant
in 10 weeks.
Copyright 2000 Marcia Yudkin.
All rights reserved.
Learn to Write
Six-week self-study course teaches
you to wow people into buying through
the power of well-chosen words.
Includes challenging and varied
assignments to practice on, with answers
from the instructor and participants.
Replace incomprehensible jargon with
reader-friendly, motivating content.